As horrible going through breakups
generally can be for EVERYONE, they ARE recoverable-just look at all these
people- from celebrities to more “average” folk who have all recovered from
awful breakups and moved on living a stable life, better perhaps, than it was
before!
There have been ways (after the
initial tsunami of emotions and hopelessness/worthlessness/I’ll never love
again/I don’t WANT to love again-ness/No one will ever love me like s/he did,
and so on…) of thinking; and therefore living, which are helping me on my
journey out of this seemingly endless tunnel, and I’d like to share these with
you.
Note: While these changes of thinking
are helping ME, they may not help YOU, as my breakups obviously differed from
your own, but do try them with commitment anyway, and see if they help you too
Xx
1. Think
about the things that you truly enjoy. Really think about them. Do you love
painting? Bird watching? Yoga? Caring for animals? I’m
slowly trying to get back into my hobbies and interests again and not thinking
“they’re not that important to me” because of a partner.
Now that your head is
above water, you want to get help, and you just want a little push in that
right direction in helping yourself over this phase in your life, you will want
to try a bit more than before.
Think back about how your ex partner/s didn’t show much, or any interest, or
even disdain, in this loved past time of yours. It’s about time this neglected,
forgotten part of yourself was welcomed back into your life, don’t you think?
Don’t forget about music and film tastes you felt you “let go of” because of
your partner, too! Revive it all. x
2. Get
your career sorted. This ties in with the above. Get on track to a career that
you love & make this a goal.
3. If
you have a long term chronic illness, breakups may affect you even more. Make
sure you take care of your condition and ALWAYS make damn sure you do
everything you’re meant to in order to keep yourself healthy, even if that
means a trip to the Drs and some scary news. Keep your diet good; don’t do what
I did and stop eating and drinking for days at a time…Doing things that don’t
help will only make your life unnecessarily harder than life can be anyway...
Fear is only a perspective of your mind. Remember remember remember this…<3
4. Therapy.
Therapy is up there in the number 1 spot also. Especially if you’ve
been feeling depressed for a while but may not like the risk of using anti’s
for ages. Find a good therapist/counsellor & along with these
suggestions & anything else that’s helpful -including self help,
you will very slowly, steadily but surely, begin seeing hope at the end of
the tunnel. Therapy is definitely however, not a NECESSARY step as you may be just a okay without it, but if you feel you need extra help- go for it!
5. Thinking about the things I didn’t like about my ex but may have hidden or coped with. This can be physical & personal. And we’re not so much talking about his smelly armpits or her annoying way of talking over you Every. Single.Time! (though that certainly is helpful!) we’re talking about negative attributes and characteristics and mannerisms. Maybe he was unkind whenever you showed emotional vulnerability, telling you to“hush” or perhaps closing off often, perhaps she was never there for you emotionally when you shed a tear over something that was upsetting you, maybe they were rude to people…Think, and then realize the reason/s why he or she is your EX partner.
6. Though there are some people out there, friends, relations, sometimes even relationship guru’s!, who encourage you to “get out there!” -basically replace the man/woman. Maybe get a haircut, change your clothes, change your SELF. NO. Why should you? If you love your long hair and it suits you, keep it long! If you like your style and it looks good- keep it and love it x! And dating…? Well…whilst rebounds and/or flings may work for some, it doesn’t for everyone. Whatever you choose to do you must give yourself the time YOU need to GRIEVE for the loss. I can’t stress this enough, and especially in this day and age where it’s all rush-rush-rush and instant gratification. Therapy should aid you in the useless advice to change yourself. I believe people try and change themselves after a breakup because it’s natural to “shed” yourself from your past, but truly…if you do love/like how you look, please, never change it if it looks good and makes you feel good- it makes you you! x
7. Taking care of yourself. This doesn’t have to mean have a manicure if you’re normally not into that kind of thing, it means taking care of your physical appearance. Suffering a breakup usually means you stop taking care of yourself physically, including eating right. Get back into caring just by taking a shower with your favourite smellies, keeping your ‘pits and legs shaved, keeping your hair clean and managed…Exercising helps too, not just in a gym but also out in the fresh air. Fitness doesn’t have to mean jogging. Walking counts!
8. Remember! If it doesn’t “feel right” in terms of relationships, it probably isn’t. Trust your instincts your gut is usually ALWAYS right x
-xX-
